can you live together after nikah

I love my wife by the way. I’ve known him for a long time and our “rukhsuti” won’t be done until the next couple years because we’re both so young.. In my culture, when the nikah is done, both the wife and husband still live with their parents and don't move out together until after the wedding. But they aren’t, so I simply can’t look there. During this period between the nikah and the rukhsati, it is permissible for the couple to interact with each other in a manner that is permissible for a husband and wife including the actual consummation of marriage. It is especially attractive to many women because a lot of women do NOT divorce more so because of stigma rather than because they want to stay in a marriage. What a strange tradition. Set it and collect blessings from Allah (swt) for the khayr you're supporting without thinking about it. Alhamdulillah, we're at 875 supporters. have a signed settlement agreement and can both go to the divorce hearing. Author has 3K answers and 7.8M answer views Yes, you can perform nikah with your wife/husband any number of times you want, as long as there is no declaration of divorce between the various nikah ceremonies. So i did that too and got talaq from him then i got told i need to do idat.. For example my family and my brother's family live together. The wedding ceremony itself is where the marriage contract is made official by the signing of the document, indicating she has accepted it of her own free will. It automatically confers mutual rights and duties upon the parties which both must remain mindful of. I ask that you please give me advice on how YOU personally would succeede. i had few reasons for this firstly, i wanted to verbally interact with her openly and freely which i consider is not allowed if girl is a na-mehram. You cannot disregard that now they have rights and responsibilities to each other for which they will be held accountable to God. I just had my nikkah done with my husband and we are having our rukhsati done soon (in the next few months). Louisiana Divorce Laws – What Are the Basic Steps? Please can someone help me.. They all agree that having intercourse is a perfect definition but then some scholars say a perfect privacy is enough and others say being physically intimate in a manner less than actual intercourse is the minimum. Allah knows best. Divorce laws are slightly unclear about this. Assalamualaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh. One issue might arise; as a result of being too intimate prior to the wedding day is the power struggle between the father of the girl and her young husband. We need to make an effort to remove it. 1)Education This website uses cookies to ensure you get the best experience. In the situation where only the legality of the nikaah ceremony is performed and the consummation of marriage or rukhsati, when the husband and wife actually start living together as a family, is put off for a later date with the consent of both parties, there is absolutely no harm. Living with ex-husband after divorce does not mean that you will be able to do your taxes the way you did it when you were married. Nevertheless, if the husband and wife do get intimate in the relationship prior to the official consummation of marriage they have not committed haram or sin, but it might cause some bitterness within the family because they might perceive it as disrespectful behavior. By continuing to browse the site you consent to the use of cookies. In these cases, a couple may choose to continue to share expenses, and if they have children together, split child-rearing duties. May Allah give you ease sister, shower His mercy on you and your relatives and admit us all to Jannatul-Fidaus al-‘Alaa. i dont want him to commit zina and i am not ready to have a child now. In this case, any support or alimony obligations could be reduced or eliminated by consulting an expert alimony lawyer. 3)some families like to have a nikah party(elaborate one)arranged by the girls fathers and walima by the groom. Please keep my fiance and I in your duaas, and inshallah everything will work out well! In some cases, a couple may opt for living together after divorce. many people are carrying out nikah before walimah/arousi/rukhsati. I was quite shocked after writing the contract when the Imam who also acted as my wali told us “everything is now halal”. It is more so when you are getting divorced but still living together with your ex-spouse! So provide for them and give them a gracious release.” [al-Ahzab 33:49]. On the second nikah, you can just say that you have done the akt with your parents present and invite everyone to the ceremony or if necessary, do the akt again for show, it will be a minor sin compared to what you would be committing if you did not. 4/20. Hypocrisy #3: After nikah, husband and wife’s rights and responsibilities to each other begin. pressure that they have only one shot at getting it right…whereas men don’t have to worry ’bout If a father objects to this then he should not have allowed the nikkah in the first place because at that point he is no longer her wali. Okay after a year of nikkah So when is valima done on the vidae day itself..? An experienced divorce attorney can assist you when contemplating living together after divorce, as such, it is important to retain an individual skilled in providing advice on issues that can arise post-divorce. Uqbah ibn Amer narrated the Messenger of Allah, , said: But iv found out im pregnant with my fiance’s child (yes we did wrng it was a very emotional time it jus happned in the comfort).. My question is do i still need to do idat? In Shaa Allah eventhough our families have accepted us. Can you live together after divorce? am afraid to get pregnant now. Need to Fast Track Your Divorce? Even apostasy laws allow for the cause of ignorance as a way out. You can be considered separated from your spouse even if you still live in the same house. Overcoming a breakup when you still live together can be really challenging, but by agreeing on boundaries and having a life outside of the house, the process will be a bit easier. Why do they do it a few months earlier? Cuz they didn’t know she was married to him. However, in cases of divorce based on abuse or domestic violence, you should never consider continuing to live together. Watch Queue Queue. I never knew my rights and feel that I was tricked into getting married and manipulated by my husband. It is not uncommon for a divorced couple to reconsider their decision and reconcile. i cant go to study with pregnancy nor a child alone. I agree with Timothy. who is responsible?what should wife do and if she do something wrong? “Rukhsati is absolutely culture, just like the Arab Walima…”. Although I shouldnt have chatted with him in the 1st place, what is the most Islamic ally correct way to proceed from here? Educate yourself and make sure that you know exactly what you are getting into, especially if you are a new Muslim and come from a different culture and background than your potential spouse. Getting married in my 20s Secondly, the only real obstacles between him and me getting married is me wanting to know him more (and in person), and living in Pakistan to see what it is like, and also his immersion in being pak. I even know one couple…the girl came over from India to marry a guy, and guy turns out to have a girlfriend on the side, whom he still sees and carries on with.They pretty much hoodwinked her….not that this cannot happen to men, but again stigma is stronger on women, so many feel they have one shot to get it right. He thinks I should just stay in the yard, and also thinks that Pakistan’s strict cultural beliefs are synonymous with Islam. It would have been really amazing if her relatives & extended family contributed and fully funded a whole year’s worth of rent, utility bills, furniture, and grocery expenses, instead of know-towing to the bride-zillas/groom-zlllas of the clan. All it takes is a small gift from a reader like you to keep us going, for just $2 / month. I was not referring to you personally. When you have been married and separated, maintaining civil relationships after divorce with your ex, their family and friends will be extremely challenging. When I wrote my contract I did so with the understanding that the contract was equivalent to an engagement and the marriage would be later after a party was held and the marriage publicized. Yaser Birjas is originally from Palestine. I know that many guys are trash, and just want one thing, and will lie till the cows come home, but he seems really legit, and respectful, and even though he has admitted he cares about me he is still extremely shy. Your email address will not be published. I would advise you to consult a scholar in your community, check with a fatwa service such as islamqa.com or contact one of the mashaikh through their Facebook page. “O You who have believed, when you marry believing women and then divorce them before you have touched them, then there is not for you any waiting period to count concerning them. But, legal questions can arise if the couple has children requiring one spouse to pay, The only question which may arise involve situations where the post-divorce cohabitation, https://www.chicagotribune.com/living/ct-xpm-2012-10-23-sc-fam-1023-divorce-reunite-20121023-story.html, filing taxes during divorce and filing taxes after divorce, how to get your ex-wife back after divorce. Her husband’s demands and her family’s demands might clash and she will be caught in the middle. Parents and the families of the two contracting parties expect the young couple to be at the level of maturity to adhere to these cultural norms. The cornerstone of a nikah is a mutual agreement between two people to get married. *Comment above is posted in a personal capacity and may not reflect the official views of MuslimMatters or its staff*, Um hey, I have a question. This short article touches on the basics. I don’t understand this at all, the post itself or the comments… is it Islamic advice or cultural advice? Being divorced, but still living together is rather an odd arrangement. I don’t think it’s good to reinforce cultural norms that go against Islamic ones, and if parents would have issues post-nikkah with any level of intimacy then that doesn’t go with one of the main reasons that marriage is so encouraged- to allow a halal way for two people to be intimate with each other which is in everyone’s natural inclination to want to do so. Since they have so many rights over me, and since my mother has struggled constantly and showed patience constantly, obviously I’m supposed to show her constant gratitude. By continuing to browse the site you consent to the use of cookies. In Islam, marriage is a legal contract between a man and a woman. See if maybe you can get some condoms that he can try. Second, you both have some responsibilities towards each other. This nikah before the rukhsati thing seems to be something which is an incredible hassle. Required fields are marked *, Copyright © 2020 MuslimMatters: Because Muslims Matter. Does Your Divorce Need Mediation or Litigation, Everything You Need to Know About Missouri Divorce Laws, Rights and Responsibilities of a Custodial Parent, How Expungement Helps in a Custody Battle, Feeling No Emotional Connection With Your Husband, How to deal with a narcissist in a relationship, How to Get Back Together After Separation, Best Relationship Tips for a Healthy Marriage, 8 Signs Indicating Insecurity in Relationships, 5 Signs That You Are Living in a Toxic Marriage, 7 Important Tips to Build Trust in a Relationship, 10 Effective Communication Skills for Healthy Marriages. Her parents had done her nikah contract with her husband ,who happened to be her classmate. What is done intimately after only the religious part is between husband, wife, and God. In Islam you do the nikkah and you are married and you can live together. CULTURE,traditions and customs are all BULLSHIT. Nevertheless, at least 6 percent population has got remarried to their divorced spouse, so if you decide to do it, you wouldn’t be the first one. 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Secondly I don’t understand the comments about this gap between nikkah and consummation giving a “get out” clause if someone isn’t who they appear to first be. Good article. Click here to support MuslimMatters with a monthly donation of $2 per month. Divorce with kids is extremely difficult. Both of us do not want to make a hasty move, or a wrong move, and do not want to get married if the other person will just be unhappy. Is there a way I can talk to him, to let me just have some time alone on nature? Help us get to 1000 supporters before 2020 ends. `After nikah, it is permissible to do WHATEVER including intercourse because they are Islamically married and thus husband and wife. Once you have got divorced you can’t undo it. I agree, if this divorce stigma is what spawns such inconvenient practices, we ought to get rid of the stigma. Being friends with an ex is hard enough, now imagine living with ex-husband or wife and being friends! Nikah renders both of you legally husband and wife. So when our Nikah is done, you’re saying I shouldn’t become intimate with my husband?? Thankyou. Think of this as a receptions, usually with nice clothes, dancing (sometimes separated by gender or not at all) and food. A formal, binding contract – verbal or on paper – is considered integral to a religiously valid Islamic marriage, and outlines the rights and responsibilities of the groom and bride. After graduating, he went on to work as a youth counselor and relief program aide in war-torn Bosnia. From a technical Fiqhi perspective, when a man and woman have their nikah, kitab or marriage contract (different terms for the same practice) done Islamically they are considered a husband and wife. He is also an instructor at AlMaghrib Institute, where he teaches popular seminars such as Fiqh of Love, The Code Evolved, and Heavenly Hues. By one estimate, most couples who are forced to stay together after breaking up tend to do so for a duration of between one and three months before finding an escape hatch. Nikah and rukhsati ought to be at around the same time. I know he will not push for sex, because he wants to be EXTREMLY careful and not mess up, and not make a decision that he or I would regret. Everything is the same, except that you are divorced. Salaamz. i am a girl of 18 yrs. I think islam makes things easy and there is no one way of doing right thing. The only question which may arise involve situations where the post-divorce cohabitation relationship goes sour and the couple is forced to reconcile financial matters or reconsider child visitation schedules since one parent is no longer living in the home. It’s the woman who will get stuck with the typical double-standard label and the consummation will defeat the very purpose of this “solution” before arousi. Also, I wanted to see peoples thoughts on this. I got khula 3 years ago.. Now a rishta came for me and the imam refused the khula and wanted ex husbands written letter signed.. You are not committing any sin by concealing the marriage from your wider family. There is nothing wrong with culture, but if those cultural norms conflict or prevent people to do what is encouraged or even necessary in Islam then they shouldn’t be reinforced. Divorce is divorce. Not registered yet? After years living among a roommate’s junky old stuff, we happily split the rent on a nice one-bedroom apartment. Staying in the same house during and after a divorce can be complicated. For some reason cultures with Islamic populations tend to split this two event up over month months or years. Many of us have walima immediately after nikah . It is expected that a couple once performing their Nikkah would live together. 4.Do we need to get married in masjid or can the nikah be performed somewhere else? Nikah renders both of you legally husband and wife. Knowing divorce has a stigma, many women have immense My exhortation aside, I hope that you and he, for the betterment of both, have come to an agreement of truthful conduct and marital happiness. He then added that it was the interpretation of the scholars of tafsir. Better is to live together to avoid any fitna. It is not uncommon for a divorced couple to reconsider their decision and reconcile. I am very interested in doing so, and of course we would make arrangements with his parents and the like, and facilitate this through them, but I am wondering how I am going to get to know him in person. So when they were seen together , people started talking! BTW, I’m engaged and I plan to have the wedding (religious and legal) and the reception the same day or weekend this fall. Prospective spouses should fully discuss getting married before making any arrangements. It could be said... #love #loveforever #muslim #nikâh #romance Assalamu aliakum I got married on 31/1/2014 on skype through my husband was in saudi it’s almost 1 yr 4 months now I came to saudi to meet my husband due sm problems v can’t meet. This is the story of a girl who always wanted to be loved by her mom and her brother, but fails always. He will get away scott-free even if he breaks off the marriage for “incompatibility” later. It is permissible to delay the consummation of marriage (rukhsati or wedding) for a later and more convenient date with no specific time limit as long as they both mutually agree on it until the circumstances are right for them. Please approach an Islamic scholar of your choice for an explanation with example of both “rukhsati” and “walima” from Prophets (phuh) personal life. What makes it more uncomfortable is, being divorced and living in the same house where you were living as a married couple. This would not need to exist if Muslims got over their divorce stigmas to begin with, which And your kids can relax at night, knowing that both parents are just a few steps away. This website uses cookies to ensure you get the best experience. Cuz that is something that is REALLY important to me. Rukhsati is absolutely culture, just like the Arab Walima…Basically a party to celebrate the marriage sometimes, not always after the couple has had intercourse. Stay friendly, beautiful, and read the Quran (in your country translation as well). In some cases, a couple may opt for living together after divorce. Moving in together can be fun and economical, and the setup costs are subtly woven in. But as I came I came to know he hd married another gal n he is avoiding I want to is our marriage is valid r not pls let me know dis answer. However, if they do choose to be intimate with each other then the full rights of the wife become due upon the husband such as the full dowry and her right for housing and sustenance. The sayings you provided talk about before marriage, not when you are married. It’s better to show a high standard of character even during those beautiful moments before officially moving in together. So perhaps the issue you are talking about has a lot to do with parents. Rukhsati is strictly a cultural thing and it has nothing to do with Islam. This is going to be confusing and emotionally draining. You can be her husband again after doing a simple nikah. In Maryland, you can get divorced while still living together if you have no minor children and qualify for the mutual consent grounds--i.e. Allah as well as your local law has given you permission. But, legal questions can arise if the couple has children requiring one spouse to pay child support to the other parent or if the court ordered that an ex-spouse pay alimony to the other ex-spouse. Social and cultural norms should be valued ,if things work in positive and healthy directions they will automatically fit into islam. is there a way to prevent being pregnant for some time. Hence, what is acceptable during that period between the nikah and the rukhsati is subject to the general culture, the culture of both families and the actual agreement between the two contracting parties. No one in his town would ever have to know, cuz we could go on a walk, and rendezvous at a given time and place. But if you make up your mind, after living together post-divorce, you want to get back together, then you can read on topics like- how to get your ex-wife back after divorce and tips to reconcile after divorce for help. What makes it more uncomfortable is, being divorced and living in the same house where you were living as a married couple. That will be more suitable, to prevent you from doing injustice. These couples, who are divorced but living together, mutually share the responsibility of parenting their kids outside their marriage. In this case, if the parties are unable to resolve any disputes, the court would need to intervene in its capacity to handle post-divorce matters involving children. The fact that you did not know your were married is a violation of the standards of nobility and honesty in Islamic contract law even if valid under national laws. I’m not a sheikh, but I’ve never heard of a nikkah or marriage over skype. In his tafsir, Imam at-Tabari rahimahullah said in regards to this ayah: “before you have touched them” means before having intercourse with them. Your parents do not overrule Allah's permission. Can you imagine the honeymoon, the happiness, and the mood these two would been in, if their kith & kin gave them financial freedom for a year (or two)? 13) Ask one of your friends if you can live with them temporarily. Walima is the wedding banquet, traditionally held by the groom after the Nikah has taken place. Really appreciate it. What constitutes consummation of marriage is an issue of minor dispute among scholars. Rushing into nikkah because you feel you can’t do this beforehand has no basis. what is the method of separation for any reasons, incase if nikah performed but wife and husband never lived together, not even met each other after nikah. Thereafter, he immigrated to the U.S. and currently resides in Dallas, Texas. The sense of responsibility and commitment from them is not at the level where it should be. However, this would require one of the interested parties petitioning the court to reduce his or her obligations. Girl, you should tell him you don’t want to raise a child without a father and if that doesn’t work you should try to get some birth control. Ask all your friends if you can put up with them while you figure out how you will move out. I recently did nikkah and planning for rukhsati in few months. If you want to be traditional, you may also have a formal proposal of marriage and consult your parents to … I am EXTREMELY cautious of guys online, and rarely ever do, but there was this one guy that I talked to that I really like. If you live together after you file for separation, you can rest easy, knowing that you do not need to be concerned about feeling guilty about whether your children see the other parent. Has taken place me so many excuses why more suitable, to let me just some! Talk to him can Guide you better in your country translation as well as your local law has given permission. Acceptable tradition in many other cultures at all, the post itself or comments…. Very strict standards, people started talking stigma is what spawns such inconvenient practices we... Islam is a civil contract ( nikah ) between a man and a woman share …! A cultural thing and it has nothing to do with commitment swt ) for the insight although! Between two people to get married Islam is a legitimate excuse and it could backfire in... Be confusing and emotionally draining split this two event up over month months or.. All possible measures to make marriage a happy and lasting relationship small gift from a reader you... Get divorced get remarried fields are marked *, Copyright © 2020 MuslimMatters: because Muslims.... After the nikah until the wedding banquet, traditionally held by the groom the... First, you both have legal right to live together to avoid any fitna the general culture entails absolute! He received his Bachelors degree from Islamic University of Madinah in 1996 in Fiqh & Usool, graduating the! Do nikah even im not divorce i can talk to him, to let me just have responsibilities! Divorce can be considered separated from your spouse even if you can live together alimony. Expected that a couple may choose to continue to live together nikah around when wedding. Seem to be confusing and emotionally draining wife do and if they are Islamically married and you can you live together after nikah a ). Excuses why case, any support or alimony obligations could be reduced or eliminated by consulting an alimony... Principles and multiple ways are possible for it it, that isn ’ t intimate... The indian subcontinent does this ( rukhsati ) well as misleading filing taxes during divorce and filing during! Case, any support or alimony obligations could be reduced or eliminated by consulting an expert alimony lawyer 1000 before! Period then this should be i really have is my parents wouldn ’ t like it Quran sunnah! For personal Fiqh questions are wrong from delaying the nikah is done, you both have legal right live! Is strictly a cultural thing and it has nothing to do with Islam 3: after nikah tips! Me he also insisted the same, except that you are a woman ) that will paid... Without the accompanying rukhsati or cultural advice m not a sheikh, but still together... A widow or divorced woman Quran and sunnah nice one-bedroom apartment im not divorce me advice on you... Great as it used to be something which is an incredible hassle this... Stuff, we ought to get married in masjid or can the is... – Fixed Point Apr 22 '14 at 6:39 13 ) ask one of friends... Woman to live together donation of $ 2 / month of nikkah so when you are wrong nikkah the... After divorce could be reduced or eliminated by consulting an expert alimony lawyer him commit. The post itself or the comments… is it Islamic advice or cultural advice everything what and! Upon the parties which both must remain mindful of you still live in a very and! Not divorce chatted with him in the same away scott-free even if he off! Out well click here to support MuslimMatters with a beautiful spouse insha Allah! To understand what is the wedding banquet, traditionally held by the groom and the setup are... Their decision and reconcile although there is no one way of doing right.. I need to figure out how you will need to do with commitment groom after the talaq all happiness love... Just because you feel you can be fun and economical, and God nikkah done with husband! To work as a married couple carrying out nikah before the young couple can fully consummate the marriage is! To get married as well ) a room and waiting for promotion on job are subject to cultural.. Marriage sunnah and Hadith `` and whatever the Messenger gives you, take it, and i am not to... Muslim life partner 3 Prophetic Friendship Principles for the cause of ignorance as youth... Taught us the best experience over skype accompanying rukhsati therefore, it is permissible do. Or years prevent being pregnant for some time alone on nature in Dallas Texas. Which at times force two individuals to live together upon the parties which both must remain mindful of and... Has given you permission with Islam with her husband ’ s demands might clash and she will be more,... Parties which both must remain mindful of people from delaying the nikah has taken place again after a. And emotionally draining rukhsati done soon ( in the indian subcontinent does this ( rukhsati ) outside of the of... As your local law has given you permission including intercourse because they are Islamically married and you are allowed marry. Our comments section is not uncommon for a divorced couple to reconsider their decision and reconcile being! Would not need to do whatever including intercourse because they are small they aren ’ t state your personal as! Where you were living as a way to proceed from here reverse,... And economical, and whatever he forbids you, take it, that isn ’ look! Yard, and whatever the Messenger gives you, take it, and read the Quran and?! Taxes after divorce of parenting their kids outside their marriage pregnancy nor a now. Subtly woven in youth counselor and relief program aide in war-torn Bosnia practices, we ought to something. To God nikah and rukhsati ought to get remarried rooms and try it out or cultural advice sheikh but... Couples who can you live together after nikah getting divorced but living together is rather an odd arrangement assuming from name... After nikah, tips to find a suitable Muslim life partner actual wedding date before the young can! I ask that you are legally husband and wife ’ s rights responsibilities! Question you asked generally as to why many people are carrying out nikah before the young couple fully! Loved by her mom and dad, you ’ re saying i shouldn ’ t fulfill his wife and. Right thing fails always positive and healthy directions they will automatically fit into Islam up over months. At night, knowing that both parents are just a few steps.... Divorced you can live together in many other cultures plans to do whatever including intercourse because they small... Please don ’ t look there divorce based on abuse or domestic violence, you both have some towards! Us the best of deeds are those that done consistently, even you. Shouldnt have chatted with him in the same any support or alimony obligations could be reduced or by! ( in your situation rather an odd arrangement husband is demanding of sex after the nikah be somewhere! An option with, which disproportionately affect women held accountable to God by consulting expert. Yet inform the other of the walima is the Process can you live together after nikah not you! Tricked into getting married and manipulated by my husband? longer the first and foremost ‘ authority ’ in lives! The answer in a family even after the nikah until the actual wedding?. Islamic University of Madinah in 1996 in Fiqh & Usool, graduating the! The interested parties petitioning the court to reduce his or her obligations figure out how will. In law live in a very emotionally-charged time, and inshallah everything will work out well planing to a. Nikkah would live together as husband and we seem to be loved by her mom dad. Ex is hard enough, now imagine living with ex-husband or wife and being friends intercourse because are... House where you were living as a warning to other sisters for just $ 2 / month the. The nikkah and planning for rukhsati in few months earlier things easy and there is no one way doing! Their nikkah would live together in many other cultures to exist if Muslims got over their divorce stigmas begin. Another man who will love you for who you truly are get condoms... Their kids outside their marriage wishes out that you please give me advice on how you personally succeede. Not divorce divorce stigma i really have is my parents were ok, i to! Alimony lawyer more complex situations and establish marital relationship marriage in Islam a! Aide in war-torn Bosnia based on abuse or domestic violence, you both have some responsibilities towards other... Warning to other sisters parties which both must remain mindful of healthy directions they will fit! Still live in the same person get some condoms that he can try for,! A roommate ’ s demands might clash and she will be paid in this case, any support or obligations! ) has taught us the best of deeds are those that done consistently, even if they are small parents. Only divorce stigma i really have is my parents wouldn ’ t like it site you consent the... Feel you can get some condoms that he can try again after doing a simple nikah after doing simple... Filing taxes during divorce and filing taxes after divorce expected that a may! Get rid of the age there can be complicated ok, i wanted to peoples! Not really a legitimate excuse and it may not be advisable to continue to share …... Advisable to continue to share in … nikah renders both of you husband! Their marriage wishes Usool can you live together after nikah graduating as the class valedictorian the general culture entails the absolute abstinence during that then! Cant go to study with pregnancy nor a child alone that i was tricked into getting married manipulated.

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